literature

day one: Creepers of the sound

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meepy-sheepy's avatar
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Literature Text

      Day one: creepers of the sounds                                                                    time: early morning
    "dear, are you sure that's all you're taking for the trip?" that's all i heard from my mother that night. i don't think i'll ever forget that night and that i should of told my mom "no." sounds go through the air as i sit on this beach shore wondering what happened. the waves were crashing up on the shore almost reaching up and grabbing my feet. as i look around all i see is open seas, jungles and crabs running across the sand.
     the birds were becoming annoying at this point, calling to each other across the sky above me. i covered my ears trying not to hear them but my arms still felt weak from the crash. all that i remember was that the plane crashed and that i was alone. still alone, i never bothered to check, the rest of the island but i had the feeling there were others here. most likely scared or worried, unlike me that is.
since the crash i already collected a lot of materials. this whole situation made me think of my father. he always read books like How to Survive After Being Lost in the Woods or watching shows like I Shouldn't Be Alive or Survivor Man. now that i think about it,  i'm now happy my father was interested in things like that. i think it gave me that confidence that i knew what i was doing.
    my sticks and piles of fruit were under the shade of the palm trees. i made traps around them, just in case. my next task was to find a large leaf along with smaller ones to make a hammock. i didn't like spiders or snakes crawling on me at night so i came up with this idea. just the problem is now i need rope.
i originally did this for my 6th period English class. the reason was we did this project was because we were reading Lord of the Flies. so this has somewhat of the same concept.
my teacher gave me a 100% :D
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Levia-the-Dragon's avatar
Hrm... you could use a spellcheck, there's a few "I"s that are in lower case, lessee... the sentance structure tends to run things together a bit, spacing things out might help.

Like that, whenever moving on to a new topic or chain of thought seperate it with an empty line, it helps with the literary equivilent of composition, drawing the eye to where it needs to go.

Some of the grammer also coems across as a tad awkward, thoguh still technically correct, maybe experiment with different ways of saying things, experimenting until you find one that seems to "flow"...